Well, I was going to do something with this little painting, but something, that little voice that lets me know something aint right, told me to wait.

Good thing.

The paints I'd used along the edging of the canvas have totally faded (in less than a year!) and you can barely tell that there was any color there at all!! Talk about heart breaking!  I nearly fell over when I took a look at that little painting, I mean, it was one thing to think that maybe it got a little dusty in the storage space in the studio, but holy mackeral!! ~ What a hit in the head to see how the paint had completely faded.

Wow.

This is definetly a lesson for me, to stop buying paints, or "permanent" inks that are on sale!! ~ If I ever do something like that again, I am most certainly going to make sure that they are brands that I recognize, and trust.  The inks I used, along with some sale paints, were off brands, that LOOKED nice, but seems that they aren't worth the plastic bottle their processed in!! ~

'Bout made me cry is what it did!  And believe me, with the mess our house is in these days, I don't need anything else to make me cry.

I need to wrap this up fast, noah's been on a terror all day, and after running errands, I walked in to a house in a screaming fit, and just terrible.  Mental Illness is nothing to take lightly, and living w/2 people that have the illness is no easy day in the park.  I'm exhahusted. I'm hungry.  And I can't take the time to do anything for myself.  'cept lay down in bed @7:00 and fall asleep!!  Keep us in prayer please, this nightmare needs to come to some kind of conclusion.  Thanks ever so much!


I'm Gone ~

I think I've posted this painting on here before, but I was sitting out on the front porch a bit ago, and while I was watching a very young & small baby snake (he had his eye on something, but wasn't sure about catching whatever it was!) I suddenly heard the sound of a bee not to far away from where I was sitting.

Actually it was a fat, lazy-slow bumble-bee, just bouncing from one part of the overhang of the porch roof, and then drifting over to where we have some flowering irises, and a small hosta growing.  Then, he (She?) slipped away into the woods, and I've no idea where it went.

I'm very glad to say that the hostas are coming in much better than they have in the years we've lived here - I'm hoping too, that when the time of summer comes around where they send up tall stalks of lovely bell shaped flowers, that this will be the year where they have more than 1! I know Noah has been watering the beds most of the spring, so I think they should do some good flowering.  It hard to tell this spring, because its been so terribly cold in this part of North Carolina.  I fear that some of the plants in the garden won't do as well as expected, but perhaps a good bit of warm weather will do the trick and make all the seeds come in and make up for lost time.

Our neighbors were here @their home just a short while ~ I'd hoped to go and talk with them eiher this afternoon or tomorrow - but they travel a lot, and I MEAN a lot in their giant motor home.  Which makes me wonder just what kind of retirement savings they each have!! ~ It cost a whoooole lotta $$ to feed one of those beasts and diseal (HUSH!!) fuel is skyrocketing now in price, so I've no idea how they travel so much.  And here we are, trying to figure out a way to get up Ocean Highway to the VA office so tom can get enrolled in the system for seeing a Dr. there instead of the low income clinic. Ahh well, guess it's just one of those things.

Need to check on some fabrics over on the work table and see if a friend is doing better today with projects in the works too. 

So for now


I'm Gone

Here are a couple collages I did last year, and I'm thinking that just about now is when I certainly need a miracle!!

These little sweeties are just havin' the best time, playing in their woods, and seeing what all they can do in their part of our big big world.  I have considered making up a couple more of these, but so far haven't found just the right amount of pieces to coordinate with any of my fairies I've sketched out.

A dilemna to be sure!

Yesterday was a draining day for me & Tom, but I was finally  able to get my medication!! Only took 3 months, and, well, I've lost track of all the dr offices, paperwork (probably more trees were killed in that process  than I want to think about) and being yelled at ("Why don't you have a job!!?? You need to fill in these boxes on this form,and it needs to say your working! Why aren't you looking for work? What is the problem?!") but I somehow managed to get thru the entire bit of fun and games.  All the insulting and screaming, pointing pens at little boxes and all....$10 for meds, youd think I was applying to buy a jaguar or something!!

Tom has had to be sent to the VA, because the same low-income clinic, basically doesn't want to pay for his meds, so we had to start the process for him to be seen at a new local VA office ~ "The process can take up from 6 months to a year..." ~ WHAT??!! ~ The nice woman (at least there was 1!!) said for any claims it's going totake that long, but in theory it should be instant for tom to get his meds at the new clinic, and it will basically become his new general practitionar (oh Hush!! Thats spelled wrong, so DEAL!!) ~ I'm going to have to climb way way up in the tippy top of my closet to retreive the file folder that has toms navy papers in it and pray that the exact paper is in there - DD214 ~ Very important!! ~ Without it, the Govt doesn't think you exist if your a veteran.  Gives you such a warm fuzzy feeling, now, doesn't it!!?  Prayers please!! during this long long process!!

So, I guess instead of sitting here and sighing at my fairies, I need to be up in that closet and digging around! ~ Dust bunnies, HERE I COME!!


tee heeeeee...


I'm Gone

 ~ A little look at one of the necklaces that I created not too terribly long ago ~ What I like about this piece is that while it was coming together, I honestly didn't think I had enough beads to complete the length for the neck-part (I know there is a name for it, but I'm not remembering right now!) and to finish the portions on the ends of the cross and base too.

It dawned on me while making this, that it was something like in the Bible ~ Loaves and Fishes ~ I didn't think there was enuf to make an entire piece complete, and with what seemed like a miniscule amount, lo and behold, there ended up being more than enough ~ I prayed (I always do in the midst of creating something) that the Lord would provide the number of beads (kinda like the loaves) for all the portions on the cross I needed, and to have the right color on the woven portion (must be the fishes..) to coordinate just right with the tone/color of the beads.

I must be honest and admit, that not only this necklace, but many of my other ones as well, seem to have this reoccuring theme for me - I never think I have enough of the parts/pieces to make a whole creation.   Yet, the Lord has always provided me with exactly the correct amount each and every time! ~ Praise!! Him!! ~ I always shake my head in amazement when this continually happens, and am reminded Jesus saying to his followers, Oh Ye of little faith! ~ Oh Buddy, does that ever ring a bell here!  I guess because things have been so very rough these last number of months, it's just worn me down to where I can't think clearly to see what there is available for me to use.

And then my whole being just is uplifted when I complete something, even if it's just a sketch for something, say a flower, a petal, whatever it is, when I'm being the Doubting Thomas, THATS when the miracle of Jesus seems to just bubble over.

And Amen to that!!

Right now on the work table I've been cutting fabric shapes to make into flower petals.which will eventually become a flower.  But let me tell you!! ~ Ouch! ~ All these little pieces have done a number on my eyes this morning, and I've needed to take a break.  Now my "problem" is what color to make the completed flower, and whether or not just the right shade I'm thinking of is going to be the one that will pop and sing.

It is as the saying goes, "Back to the drawing board" ~!!~ So, yes that is what I must do now, and will try not to make my eyes feel pushed to the edge!!


Whoops, here we go!


I'm Gone!

Well, I've been fiddling around with some backgrounds for this blog, and I have one that is supossed to show up, but for whatever reason, it isn't.

Poop.

I may try to apply another one but right now all this messin' around with buttons, codes, inserts, and some weirdness thats computer-lingo is just starting to give me a headache! So, since it's such a wonderfully warm Spring day, I'll just try to focus on the positive for this afternoon.

Things are still in an uproar here near the Shore - hubs isn't working, and we keep waiting for an answer for one job and then another ` we've had to borrow $$ for bills and utilities, and it got really nasty yesterday when I had togo back to the Methodist Church in town to find some assistance for our electricity - which was scheduled to be cut off today ~ Lets just say, that the woman in the office was anything but Christian  to me, and proceeded to yell and belittle me in front of another person, and spoke loudly enuf that a roomfull of people just across the hall were more than able to hear her shouting at me.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I DID leave that office in tears, and continued to have a nice crying jag all the way across town to the Co-Op to pay the bill.  And while sitting in the parking lot of said elec. company, while having a good old fashioned crying fest, a woman came over, very concerned about me, and proceeded to ask the basic questions of why there was a problem. 

Well, I explained the situation we're under, told her of the fun time with the Methodist Church Secretary, and all the other things that have had us in such a wonderful time.

Ends up she's the office manager, senior, by the way, and said that she will make sure that the next time we have any kind of problem with our electricity getting shut off, she would interveine (oh hush, its spelled wrong, so deal!) and see about extending the due date for us.

I felt better, not great.  But better.  There are people who care about those of us facing incredibly difficult times, and I just wish there were some more of them!  I am so tired of these "helpful" people who just want to take the time to scream at me, and ask the most hurtfull and hatefull questions to me - All the while espousing their perfection in living, while letting me know, in no uncertain terms, that I am nothing but poor trash, and I deserve everything bad that's happening.

Yup.
Karma is going to be pretty ugly for those folks, and I am just hoping that I am far, far away from them when the time comes. 

I try to be thinking that maybe I should become more active in our little community, but there is such hatefullness around me, and so much pridefullness with some wealthy people, that it is painful for me to even begin a conversation with these people.  Heaven knows I;ve tried, but the energy that I spend is not worth it.

I even had a meeting with the intake coordinator of Catholic Charities, and we had the same conclusion as to what a number of people here feel is their priviliage (oh yeah, it's a close enuf spelling...) to let poor people know they are not considered worthy to even be walking on the town's sidewalks.  His question for some of these people is, "Well, if you THINK you know how easy it is for people to go find a job, why don't you go on out & apply for one right now! Then come back & let me know how it went..."

Spot On!, he is!! ~

So, I remain here in the little cabin, nursing the wounds left by cruel people, and trying to keep positive that things will turn around.  I read recently a fb post by a minister, who said that it doesn't do a needy person any good, to be told by someone, "Well, this will make you stronger", because it isn't said with a good intention, and it doesn't help someone who is flattened by circumstances that are beyond their reach.  I told somebody recently, that if one more person tells me, "This will make me stronger", by GHAWD, I'll tell them ~ 'k, you go find me a 1959 Buick, and I'll just start exercising by bench-pressing that sucker right now!!!"

But for now, I'm going to go make some copies of fabrics that I need to order in the future for some projects, and hope that tom will get the job he needs ~

I'm Gone

Here's a necklace that I made, oh, some time ago - I may have already posted this on here, but my poor brain doesn't work right this morning..probably because I haven't had enuf coffee!!

I had the best time aging this woven fabric - it was something of a challenge, trying to come up with just the right amount of color, and not making it look like something the cat drug home ~ I have to cut back on some of the things I use to dye/paint with, and the tendancy is to just let the colors fly.  Well, maybe on a canvas this is allright, but on something like this, it can be too much.  And Too Much can just not be good!  I have to weave up some more of this color of yarn, and see if I can get it to come up with a little more of the cream that I used for the warp   Sometimes the threads come out looking just right, and other times they just sit there and thumb their nose at me.  Which gets me into a funk, and I want to issue vile things in their direction.

But issuing things is not for me this morning, as noah did enuf of that for all of us yesterday - I'm feeling somewhat beat up today - Oh!, not actually beat up but just tired and overwhelmed ~ Plus I had to call back to the attorneys office, the "kind" people who threatened to take us to court, because we got behind on our 1 credit card payment.  So, after talking to the woman for the 2nd time, she calmed down, and admitted that she felt bad for the way she acted to me the day before, and then said that she'd tried to call me back, but couldn't get a chance - She did say that she could tell I was upset (I'd just found out that I couldn't get to the low-income clinic to have my right eye looked at, 'cause we didn't have the $15.00 to pay for the visit) ~ and that she felt bad that this was just one more stress factor for me.  Really? "JUST" one more?...pfft.....I wish it was just one! ~ But we got along much better (talk about prayer working things out!!) and she said she'd keep in touch (Ha!, as if I thot a law firm wouldn't hound me to death!!) and see how things are going.

We are still, STILL waiting for The State of Virginia, to come up with some kind of answer for us on toms unemployment - we havn't had any income now, for over a month, and it looks like we'll have to go back to the DSS office, and get a voucher for some commonodities...I probably spelled that wrong (Hush!) but anyway, we'll have to go pick up some items.  Seems that the new computer system for the Food Stamp Card, has worked against us, and instead of automatically resetting our alloted amount for funds on the 17th, it passed us by, and we have less than $200 available untill the end of May!! ~Yay for us!! ~ So, see, there really isn't any chance that this family is abusing the system what so ever...We're on a budget of just around $32.50 per week for food, so we're really rockin' and rollin'!! ~ So, please continue to keep us in prayer; believe me, we are trusting that He will provide for us.  It's just the bill collectors that don't understand ~!!~

Tom & I walked around in our little corner of the woods yesterday afternoon ~ I think it did him some good to get out of the house, and get out of bed for a change ~ His new medication seemed to have started working for a couple days, but now it seems that he's fallen right back into his depression.  I have no idea why nothing has seemed to work for him since last Fall ~ He has never, ever, EVAH gone this long without medication working for him - and at this point, it's been over 7 months, so something is wrong ~ I am glad that we have an appointment with the new Dr this coming monday, so he'll have something to say for us I'm sure.  He is so much more thorough than the Dr that Tom had been seeing for these last few years, I can't believe it.  I won't say any more about that, but just that it seems some Professionals pay more attention to what they get paid, than to what the patients needs are!

Sounds like noah is mowing the yard away to within an inch of it's life outside ~ It finally stopped raining/wind blowing/icy weather yesterday, so today it's trying all over again ~ But that won't stop him! ~ He's bound and determined to get that grass mowed!! ~ 'Course, with as nasty as the HOA people have been to us, we really have to keep the yard as clean as we can..any little thing will come back to haunt us, so we have to just keep at things.  So depressing at how these people act; it's probably making my mother roll in her grave!

Must get some COFFEE!! ~

Right now ~

I'm Gone...............

Ah Ha!! ~

Now isn't that weird? ~ Today my picture ended up where it was supossed to be! ~ Wonders never cease, or maybe because it's a full moon tonight (or is it tomorrow nite?..I can't keep up with these things..) there are events working in all sorts of odd-ball ways ~

I don't know how much I can post today, as noah is in one of his manic moods/episodes, so I may have to cut this short ~ This necklace happens to be another one of the pieces that I've worked out recently ` I was going to have this for sale in the little boutique outside of Raleigh, but I've kept it here at the cabin ~ I just haven't decided whether or not to send it over~ So, if any of you are interested in this piece, do drop me a line and we'll see what can be done!  I've had the most fun with these, it seems like they somehow make themselves...well, not Exactly, but thru lots of prayer, and thanking God for directing my hands thru all the different phases of making these, it seems that each one comes out so unique and different from the others.  I have no way to explain it, it just seems that they come out singular, unique and one of a kind.  That's how I like them to be, not just another cookie-cutter rendetion of jewlery!

I have some other projects lined up on my work table, but until we have some kind of income, I can't put anything together ~ Lack of necessary supplies keep my hands from making anything, and it is so difficult to look at all these pieces and parts, and know that I can't do anything! ~ For an artist, this is something like being held under water, and struggling to get to the surface ~ Its there, I can see it, but it's just out of reach.  Oh, so frustrating! ~ But, I know God has a plan for me, and somewhere in the not too distant future, something will open up, and until then, I can only get the pieces and parts I do have available, lined up, some stitching done here and there, and wait until the right time.

Oh dear, I'm hearing noise from out on the deck, so I need to rush to end this! ~ Ack, I just so wish noah would go on medication & these horrible rants/screaming, nonsensical moments would come to an end! ~

But for now,

I'm Gone ~